Caution On Generosity Part 2 of 2
Personal Stories Shared For Caution Awareness
Angeltrish: As someone who was born with a kind and giving heart, I have always been generous my whole life, so when I received an inheritance from my parents, everyone came out of the woodwork as they saw an "easy mark".
I tried to be conscientious in my giving and I also loaned several people many thousands of dollars to save their homes (this is when the bottom fell out of the real estate market).
Everyone was very nice when they wanted me to help them but not one person paid me back and instead, they just wanted more and more money from me....the people to whom I loaned money resented me when they could not pay me back, acting like I was the bad guy and eventually each of these relationships went sour.
So I, too, know the pitfalls of helping people as described by everyone above, and I can attest to the fact that what they are sharing is, indeed, very true.
That being said, I cannot NOT give, as it is part of who I am and it brings me immense joy!
So this time I am not letting anyone know that I have money and those who do find out will be told that my wealth manager is now in charge of my money and I am on a strict budget so if I have used up my giving allotment that month, I'm afraid they are out of luck!
Also, I will never loan money again, ever, as I have learned my lesson in regards to this and I now know how it destroys relationships.....I will only give money out of my monthly gifting budget, to charities and to people in real need.
I have set an intention to add Light to the world by bringing joy to others every single day after this Blessing comes, so I will delight in giving those large tips, paying for other's meals and groceries, giving grocery gift cards anonymously, and generally doing unexpected acts of kindness every day.
Each gift will be accompanied by one of the cards I already made up which say, "Somebody Cares About You! Please accept this gift as a reminder that you are a Precious, Beloved Child of God.
Good things are coming to our world very soon! Love, Light, and Blessings to You". Seeing someone's face light up from an unexpected gift of kindness is absolutely priceless to me!
Many years ago I read a wonderful passage from a book which said, "Life is very short so lose no opportunity to show a kindness to another being as by doing this, you are showing God how much you love Him, by being kind to His other Children", and that is the creed by which I live.
So I say "Give!", and give generously, but please take heed from our experience and the advice we've shared with you, and give wisely, My Friends. Love and Light to all, Trisha
Olesailor: This is a complex and in my opinion a very important aspect of our post rv planning. I personally could not identify with the 30 for 30 Pro's and their problems but boy the stories included in this post are real and close to home.
We really need more real life issues from average middle class people to bring this important issue into the light of day for opening the eyes of our new millionaires. Thanks for sharing your personal stories and I hope more people come forward.
Irene: In the past I have giving thousands of Dollars to friends in need, I have giving furniture, appliances, cloths, food, even a car.... I have open my home to acquaintance and friends that ended up stealing my jewelry and taking advantage of my generosity, and left me sadly disappointed.
Today I consider giving my right! I still feel blessed to give with every opportunity that presents itself but now I have learned to give unconditionally and that my income is a direct connection to my giving.
When I give I don't look back, I have no regrets nor do I expect anything in return, not even a thank you. I find it so liberating and rewarding. Funny enough, now days I receive abundant heartfelt praise and gratitude, giving power to the teaching >Giving always results in receiving!<
I love to donate 101, to look into the eyes of that total stranger in need, to see that glimpse of hope, it's like looking into the smile of God > it just works for me.
God prospers us to raise our standard of giving. I'm just grasping that truth the closer we get to the RV. Friends in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
Tailsman: Beware of prominent charities. FBI has now determined that 4 major Cancer charities have bilked their donors for almost $200 million. these are very well known charities who claim to be helping breast cancer patients and children cancer patients. Check out what happens to 98 cents from every dollar donated. The other 2 cents goes to the beneficiaries. Caveat Emptor my friends.
Claral: I too have lost money helping friends - not large amounts, but they add up over the years. A good story is that of my sis' owner carry home. Tried to help people out, and one could count the payments she received on 1 hand.
Finally, they got a bank loan, with her as a 2nd mortgage. 2 payments there after, so she tried to foreclose - I guess the bank is first in line.
In the process of all this, they bought a boat, new truck, other new large ticket items, but could not pay the one person who had helped them out in the beginning.
Was told all kinds of stories - health problems, husband lost job, etc. How then could they afford all the new toys? One always has to be careful when helping out someone, but as Angeltrish mentioned, some of us will continue to give. Best is to give anonymously, and smile when they hear a story.
Loans don't usually seem to get paid back, so give without expecting a return. Don't give from your principle, but from your "monthly allotment" (great suggestion).
MarthaandDon: I am really glad this posting got started. It was a really good read and I have taken it to heart.
I have two stories of helping people once when I was about 19 helping a pregnant girl share an apartment and paid her expenses for months and got nothing or possibly $25.
I was made out to be the bad person who was out to take from people her new husband (after baby adopted) recently back from Viet Nam told me. I helped and was told I was dirt.
It was extremely upsetting, but I knew I did a good thing.
The other instance I sold a car to someone I worked with to let her pay me monthly. The short of that story is when I was making $300 something a month, she owed me $700 something. I never got the money after she left her husband and children and moved away. I knew I had done a good thing, but that was not a smart one.
Oh well. I still give when I can. I have little to give, but sometimes I give all that I have in my wallet, which is never a lot. I tell them that I wish I could give more.
For as long as I can remember when I am out of the home I try to do a kindness to someone at least once a day, more as opportunities arise. It doesn't always have to be money giving.
Post RV I plan to give most giving from a foundation without people knowing a name to attach the giving to. We will be helping grandchildren with college loans, but I have a long list of very good charities that I plan to give to.
My husband who has not read and learned so much in the forum doesn't understand this and I will have to keep explaining that we need to invest first and then use from interest to do our giving.
I'm sure there are many of you with spouses who also have not gone through TNT University, too. We try to educate them as well as we possibly can and gently.
(I will be printing out all of the comments above to read multiple times as reminders.)
Blynsay: My mother always said the charity begins at home and spreads abroad. Be good to you and yours first. Secure the future of those persons who light up your day and make you happy, like your immediate family and close friends. That may mean paying off the house or putting money in the college fund.
It does not have to be a cash gift. I never loan more than I can afford to give away and not look back.
Of course, after our blessing that will probably be a good deal more: but I will have to keep in perspective that if the person could pay me back then they wouldn't need a loan anyway.
Obligation brings about feelings of shame and embarrassment. When people ask for a loan, they really just want you to give it to them because they have no means to pay you back. But because of their need they're willing to take what you offer at any terms.
Also, if they did not ask you for the help then what you give them is always a present in their mind and you have to understand it in yours and believe this is the last time you're going to see that money or item or whatever you deliver in their hands. And be OK in your own heart about it.
The first thing I'm going to do is to hire a good financial manager.
I don't have good money scholarship and will need help setting healthy financial boundaries. I understand that some relationships will not survive my blessing because my position and potential in their lives and affairs will change (you know, who is the perceived subordinate based upon a power shift ).
I am not going to sweat it and will attract like minded individuals to fill the places they vacate.
Jesuspost46: Husband and I feel the same way. We have learned if it wasn't for the wait, we would have done more for people and been hurt. Remember, when you give to a church, if they start to love you more because you gave big, RED flag. That has been the hardest to swallow.
Family also, The Lord just showed me, They didn't earn it, so, when you feel you need to do something because, you feel bad for them, double-check YOUR heart. Its not about giving , its about How you give to them. Also, our family aren't close to us, but they sure can make you feel like they’re not loved. Just double check and guard your heart. Its ok , take your time, you can learn a lot. God Bless
Mortski: I plan on giving to others including Charities though a Donor-Adviser Fund. All requests are in writing and will be handled through that process. That way it is annoyance and it is never tied back to you.
I like ANGELTRISH approach to giving to those in need with the card saying, "Somebody Cares About You! Please accept this gift as a reminder that you are a Precious, Beloved Child of God. Good things are coming to our world very soon! Love, Light, and Blessings to You". and the gift.
We need to remember when we gift, it's a gift. When we loan, then there are loan papers and it is done as a business decision. I know we will all make mistakes, let's just learn from them and not shut our hearts down.
Getagripon: One thing I learned many many years ago and I still hold to it this day is when I lend or more appropriately I give to someone in need, I give without any expectation of return. I leave the person(s) with the thought impression if they want to repay me, instead help someone else in need. In this way I am never disappointed.
I take in wayward (strays as I call them) persons, typically recommended from someone that I know needing help, into my 4 bedroom home without expectations and provide them guidance getting back on their feet. Typically within 2 to 3 months they are paying rent for the room and move out in a better position within 6 to 12 months.
My friends and family say I am crazy however it is my way to give back to society as best as I can on a currently limited income. Life is getting better since I got into real estate investing. My long vacation after getting laid off two years ago had to come to an end.
LadyB22: I'm saving this thread also, to read over and over. I love the concept of telling people I only have a monthly allotment and can only share from that. I have a child and a grandchild that..... If they knew how much I actually have ....would just create emergencies.
The reason I know is .... that is the way it has been all their grown up lives. If I gave them a house, they would just get in a financial bind (again), and take out a loan on it ... that is... if their credit was good enough to qualify for the loan. Then, there would be the risk that they could default and lose the house. Yet, I love them and want to make sure they have basics.... house, transportation, utilities.
If anyone has ideas on how I can give them monthly checks to live on when I am dead, and protect them from their own foolishness, please share.
Brendad: Each scenario is different, there will be some that I will give to openly and already have gifted currency to because they will be grateful and know they have been blessed by our Heavenly Father.
Others fit in the category that you have so vividly and accurately described.
I have a dear friend who was the first one to tell me about the dinar, someone had told him a few days before. He started depending on the RV daily and slacked off with his dedication to his first priority, his job. We both are private contractors and are paid on an as earned basis.
I started helping him out every month for over a year. He in turn got really complacent and adopted that "entitlement mentality" with me. Therefore, I started paying him to assist me with my paperwork, he did not finish what I paid him for because I had paid him in advance.
Then, he made the statement to me, "Remember, if I didn't go through what I am going through, we would not be in the position that we are in waiting on our blessing, we must NOT forget that!"
(He calls himself a light worker). "REALLY???"
I LET HIM KNOW IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT YES...HE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO TELL ME ABOUT THE RV AND IF WE HAD RV'D RIGHT THEN, HE COULD TAKE THE CREDIT FOR ME TELLING ME ABOUT IT.
BUT SEVERAL OF MY CLIENTS TOLD ME SHORTLY THEREAFTER AND THEY PURCHASED THEIR CURRENCY WHILE SERVING IN IRAQ.
I TOLD HIM THIS EVENT WAS NOT ABOUT HIM NOR ME, THIS WAS ABOUT GOD'S PLAN, HE JUST USED US AS AN EXTENSION OF HIS HANDS LIKE HE DID THE PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE.
After that self-centered statement, I lost respect for him. A few weeks ago, he was given a large amount of money from the person we contract with, then, he became arrogant and selfish and said he could not help me anymore leaving me to drown in paperwork when I really needed his assistance.
That opened my eyes, I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of him and I cut him off financially. Now a few weeks later, he is in a financial crunch again. I just let it fall on deaf ears while smiling and showing him agape love. Only God Himself could get me to give him another penny. Sadly, he was one of my best friends.